Friday, December 4, 2009
/ 12:06 PM
The ugliness of hypocrisy amongst the people that you love ...
So we really have no one that we can depend on in times of need other then ourselves.
Its a sad fact.
Will there ever be anyone that can truly understand us?
So we really have no one that we can depend on in times of need other then ourselves.
Its a sad fact.
Will there ever be anyone that can truly understand us?
Thursday, December 3, 2009
/ 11:43 PM
Wow. It has been ages since I have last updated my blog, I guess I'm passed that stage of writing one entry every other day, rather I prefer to indulge in reading blogs now.
Its December again. How time flies. Some say that once pass the age of 21, and time flies like a bitch. The latest I've heard from a few friends, is that time flies even faster after you've blown the last candle of your 25th birthday cake. I'm not looking forward to proving that right.
Life is a bitch and God is constantly putting his child through trials of her least favourite things. I cant understand why I'm being tested for my own principles and someone else's bad habits. Why do I have to be the one that is always adapting to the consequences of other's doing. Does it really make me to become a bigger person? Or is it just an excuse to minimize the hurt of knowing my importance to others... the lack of it. All these are making me becoming into an angrier person then i should be. Too much frustration and anger and I'm sick of all these.
Went to a FT that day, I know I shouldn't believe in such things but my curiosity take over the better of me; I will just take all of it with a pinch of salt. What he told me was pleasant to the ears but I don't think I will believe much of everything he'd said. Besides, the current situation is actually making me cast more doubts on his predictions. No idea how he'd derived to that 'ending' but I'm seriously reconsidering. Too many things can change in one minute, a few hours, one day.. whats more if we're talking about something that might happen in a year's time.
On a happier note, I've won the Individual Catalyst award (Term 3, 2009) and the Team Catalyst award in my company. I don't usually like to 'brag' about such achievements but since this blog is nearly non-existent now, I guess it doesn't make a big difference. I'm really happy that my hard work really pays off, with everyone's help and not to forget my Superiors' acknowledgments and nomination. At least as this year 2009 draws to an end, I've not only achieve in my career, but I've kinda marked off one of my resolution :)
Cheers to me in a one 'man' celebration...
Its December again. How time flies. Some say that once pass the age of 21, and time flies like a bitch. The latest I've heard from a few friends, is that time flies even faster after you've blown the last candle of your 25th birthday cake. I'm not looking forward to proving that right.
Life is a bitch and God is constantly putting his child through trials of her least favourite things. I cant understand why I'm being tested for my own principles and someone else's bad habits. Why do I have to be the one that is always adapting to the consequences of other's doing. Does it really make me to become a bigger person? Or is it just an excuse to minimize the hurt of knowing my importance to others... the lack of it. All these are making me becoming into an angrier person then i should be. Too much frustration and anger and I'm sick of all these.
Went to a FT that day, I know I shouldn't believe in such things but my curiosity take over the better of me; I will just take all of it with a pinch of salt. What he told me was pleasant to the ears but I don't think I will believe much of everything he'd said. Besides, the current situation is actually making me cast more doubts on his predictions. No idea how he'd derived to that 'ending' but I'm seriously reconsidering. Too many things can change in one minute, a few hours, one day.. whats more if we're talking about something that might happen in a year's time.
On a happier note, I've won the Individual Catalyst award (Term 3, 2009) and the Team Catalyst award in my company. I don't usually like to 'brag' about such achievements but since this blog is nearly non-existent now, I guess it doesn't make a big difference. I'm really happy that my hard work really pays off, with everyone's help and not to forget my Superiors' acknowledgments and nomination. At least as this year 2009 draws to an end, I've not only achieve in my career, but I've kinda marked off one of my resolution :)
Cheers to me in a one 'man' celebration...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
/ 10:59 PM
Quarter Life Crisis
Funny as it is that everyday, i go through the same mental note to update my blog when I get home; I will always have the urge to write in the day but the desire dies down when i sit in front of my desktop. I never come around doing it, there's always something else that needed attention. Time just runs pass the digits and adds another day to the year.
This year was the start to doing something differently, to pick up things that I have always wanted to learn which I did - Salsa. Joined with a group of friends and I look forward to that exhilarating one hour of quick step hip movements and Cuban fast-paced music. It makes me feel young again.
I looked around me every time, and I see young pretty girls dressing up, having fun living their life. What they seemed to be experiencing looked so different from what I did when I was at their age.. and that was just a few years back.
I feel old; in terms of looks, maturity and perspectives. Make up is one of the greatest invention to date, it masks the flaws of age but yet slowly and discretely, it contributes to the dry, rough and inelastic skin of once a young girl. I have always been a risk-adverse person, but in my younger days, I like to throw in moments of excitement and fun, surprises that enlivened my life and made school like a hang out place away from town. Right now, I feel empty and scared to try new things, and feel guilty of making the wrong choice and how it would impact the people around me. I was reading an article on Cosmopolitan over the weekend, it talks about how women are more prone to feeling guilty the 'fact' that they cant support their love ones wholeheartedly in the expense of her own interests, the fact that they cant put others needs ahead of theirs etc (I should talk more about this in details when i have the article on hand). The point is, was I in this category; why do i always feel bad if I cant do a certain something that will make someone else happy?
I wondered how differently my life could have been if I went ahead and studied overseas instead of feeling bad for touching my family's already strained finance when my sis was studying in Australia. And when I gave up studying my third year for my university course over in Melbourne. As well as the half a year's of exchange program in North Carolina for the fear that the distance and time difference might cause strain to my relationship then. Not to mention that I have thought about working overseas, to experience life when Im younger but have dismissed the thought as my parents might be lonely.
Largely I just blame myself for procrastinating and being indecisive. I don't have overly high expectations of myself, although some did see me as a perfectionist, its just that I never get about achieving things that will make me feel less bitter inside because of my guilt, my weakness that Im too soft hearted to be cruel to make others worry.
Or maybe... Im just too afriad to take the plunge.
I'm worried that I will never get to achieve 'it', I'll just be someone ordinary, that wakes up at 7 and goes to work behind the desk from 9 - 7pm. Maybe I will have a family in a few years time and goes home to do household chores, cook and attend to my children, who will grow up and they will experience the life that I have always dream of. My life will always be just a colored television; one that sees what is happening around the world, but will always remain on the shelf, in the house, with the whole big universe out there.
Why are so many acquaintance and friends of mine getting married this year? At 25?! or the one and two years that doesnt make much of a difference. Its a thought that feels so foreign to me, i cannot imagine getting married to someone, being tied down and doing the above for the rest of my life. Having kids, when Im not ready to even think I have totally grown up and see the world like how adults do.
My heart feels like it weighs a ton and that I have just 'wasted' an hour 'screaming' out what has been living inside me for a year or two, something that will only change if I can be strong enough.
Was I as strong as I used to be?
Funny as it is that everyday, i go through the same mental note to update my blog when I get home; I will always have the urge to write in the day but the desire dies down when i sit in front of my desktop. I never come around doing it, there's always something else that needed attention. Time just runs pass the digits and adds another day to the year.
This year was the start to doing something differently, to pick up things that I have always wanted to learn which I did - Salsa. Joined with a group of friends and I look forward to that exhilarating one hour of quick step hip movements and Cuban fast-paced music. It makes me feel young again.
I looked around me every time, and I see young pretty girls dressing up, having fun living their life. What they seemed to be experiencing looked so different from what I did when I was at their age.. and that was just a few years back.
I feel old; in terms of looks, maturity and perspectives. Make up is one of the greatest invention to date, it masks the flaws of age but yet slowly and discretely, it contributes to the dry, rough and inelastic skin of once a young girl. I have always been a risk-adverse person, but in my younger days, I like to throw in moments of excitement and fun, surprises that enlivened my life and made school like a hang out place away from town. Right now, I feel empty and scared to try new things, and feel guilty of making the wrong choice and how it would impact the people around me. I was reading an article on Cosmopolitan over the weekend, it talks about how women are more prone to feeling guilty the 'fact' that they cant support their love ones wholeheartedly in the expense of her own interests, the fact that they cant put others needs ahead of theirs etc (I should talk more about this in details when i have the article on hand). The point is, was I in this category; why do i always feel bad if I cant do a certain something that will make someone else happy?
I wondered how differently my life could have been if I went ahead and studied overseas instead of feeling bad for touching my family's already strained finance when my sis was studying in Australia. And when I gave up studying my third year for my university course over in Melbourne. As well as the half a year's of exchange program in North Carolina for the fear that the distance and time difference might cause strain to my relationship then. Not to mention that I have thought about working overseas, to experience life when Im younger but have dismissed the thought as my parents might be lonely.
Largely I just blame myself for procrastinating and being indecisive. I don't have overly high expectations of myself, although some did see me as a perfectionist, its just that I never get about achieving things that will make me feel less bitter inside because of my guilt, my weakness that Im too soft hearted to be cruel to make others worry.
Or maybe... Im just too afriad to take the plunge.
I'm worried that I will never get to achieve 'it', I'll just be someone ordinary, that wakes up at 7 and goes to work behind the desk from 9 - 7pm. Maybe I will have a family in a few years time and goes home to do household chores, cook and attend to my children, who will grow up and they will experience the life that I have always dream of. My life will always be just a colored television; one that sees what is happening around the world, but will always remain on the shelf, in the house, with the whole big universe out there.
Why are so many acquaintance and friends of mine getting married this year? At 25?! or the one and two years that doesnt make much of a difference. Its a thought that feels so foreign to me, i cannot imagine getting married to someone, being tied down and doing the above for the rest of my life. Having kids, when Im not ready to even think I have totally grown up and see the world like how adults do.
My heart feels like it weighs a ton and that I have just 'wasted' an hour 'screaming' out what has been living inside me for a year or two, something that will only change if I can be strong enough.
Was I as strong as I used to be?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
/ 12:10 PM
Happy Birthday Sis!
Found some quizzes on a girlfriend's blog and the curiosity in me on how much I know myself couldn't resist not attempting them.
How Attractive am I?
[Part 1] Self Confidence: 63% -> You doubt yourself in some situations.
[Part 2] Sensory Perceptions: 80% -> Extremely sensitive to surrounding stimulation.
[Part 3] Body Language: 80% -> You are a real expert!
[Part 4] Conversational Skills: 80% -> A real talent!
[Part 5] Empathy For Others: 80% -> An extremely kind and warm person.
What am I thinking about?
You think money and love are equally important. You have an interest in many things in life, and work hard to ensure that you maintain a healthy balance between work, play and love. However, you tend to be unable to decide on what you really want to do with your life. You wouldn't dream of leaving your loved one for one or two million dollars, but you would have to reconsider if the offer rose to 100 million dollars.
What's my personality love style?
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.
You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.
You love a good life. You live extravagantly and like everything around you to be beautifully crafted. You are optimistic, have an excellent sense of humor and enjoy having your friends around you.
You are a family person. You love your home and care for everyone in your family. You are kind and often sacrifice yourself to make others happy. You are proud of everything that belongs to you.
You have strong attitudes towards things. You often manipulate a story you've heard. It is not completely lying. You just add things to what you have heard and retell it in a different way.
You are ambitious. Your husband is likely to be a well educated and well-to-do. He should also have a secure job and succeed in his career. You do not care much what others think of you. You choose the man who adores you. You always dress well without caring how much you have to spend on your clothes. You are embraced with wealth.
All the quizzes are found on http://www.quizbox.com/personality/
Found some quizzes on a girlfriend's blog and the curiosity in me on how much I know myself couldn't resist not attempting them.
How Attractive am I?
[Part 1] Self Confidence: 63% -> You doubt yourself in some situations.
[Part 2] Sensory Perceptions: 80% -> Extremely sensitive to surrounding stimulation.
[Part 3] Body Language: 80% -> You are a real expert!
[Part 4] Conversational Skills: 80% -> A real talent!
[Part 5] Empathy For Others: 80% -> An extremely kind and warm person.
What am I thinking about?
You think money and love are equally important. You have an interest in many things in life, and work hard to ensure that you maintain a healthy balance between work, play and love. However, you tend to be unable to decide on what you really want to do with your life. You wouldn't dream of leaving your loved one for one or two million dollars, but you would have to reconsider if the offer rose to 100 million dollars.
What's my personality love style?
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.
You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.
You love a good life. You live extravagantly and like everything around you to be beautifully crafted. You are optimistic, have an excellent sense of humor and enjoy having your friends around you.
You are a family person. You love your home and care for everyone in your family. You are kind and often sacrifice yourself to make others happy. You are proud of everything that belongs to you.
You have strong attitudes towards things. You often manipulate a story you've heard. It is not completely lying. You just add things to what you have heard and retell it in a different way.
You are ambitious. Your husband is likely to be a well educated and well-to-do. He should also have a secure job and succeed in his career. You do not care much what others think of you. You choose the man who adores you. You always dress well without caring how much you have to spend on your clothes. You are embraced with wealth.
All the quizzes are found on http://www.quizbox.com/personality/
Monday, February 9, 2009
/ 8:57 PM
Defamation!
One thing about me is that I hate to be wrongfully accused, but who does. There's a certain degree of justice/fairness that i hope to 'earn' when I engage in a 'relationship' with someone. At times, boundaries get crossed but we all know that that is life - realism. I can accept that.
What I can't accept is when the someone overstepped the border and continue in his/her* pursue to besmear someone's reputation, alleging false claims on her.
I expect more from someone of his/her* position, putting that aside, professionalism in a work place is very important especially when you* are at the top of the fish-bone.
Going down to using personal attack not only reflects how low a character you* have but also your capability to uphold your position.
Does one really have to be cut-throat just to reach the top?
One thing about me is that I hate to be wrongfully accused, but who does. There's a certain degree of justice/fairness that i hope to 'earn' when I engage in a 'relationship' with someone. At times, boundaries get crossed but we all know that that is life - realism. I can accept that.
What I can't accept is when the someone overstepped the border and continue in his/her* pursue to besmear someone's reputation, alleging false claims on her.
I expect more from someone of his/her* position, putting that aside, professionalism in a work place is very important especially when you* are at the top of the fish-bone.
Going down to using personal attack not only reflects how low a character you* have but also your capability to uphold your position.
Does one really have to be cut-throat just to reach the top?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
/ 10:54 PM
Frustrations
I waved white flag to my incompetence. Everywhere i go the people i meet seemed to be well-read about their respective areas, in addition a wide knowledge about the things that are happening around us. Why does it seem like I have nothing to contribute at all?
I have to put in doubly the effort and I might just be moving one step forward, yet two steps behind them still. Not to mention, my procrastination and the time I have , or rather a lack of that, discourage me as I continue to add a day to me being alive.
My goal has been moving further and further away. I don't see it anymore.
Yet when ever I see people like them or that are working in the same environment, i kick myself in the face because of my incompetence and wallow in jealousy.
Why do some get to do what they want and is loving it while some can only dream of it at night.
Tired from all the audit work. The Lion audit is driving me crazy for the last few weeks and more so these few days; have to curb with my impatience of getting it over and done with, and answer to all the queries.
Its month end again. Darn. More work, month end funds, reconciliations procedures etc.
I visualize the slightest sign of winkles appearing, feeling the tension in my body every time when Im on my feet going to collect reports, the trembling headaches and shortness of breathe.
I need out.
A friend is currently in NY, i wonder if she has found what I have wanted. I want retail therapy badly but I need to save! ArgH!
I have so much frustrations inside me that I dont even know how much I can take anymore. When will the 'rubber band' snap?
Out.
I waved white flag to my incompetence. Everywhere i go the people i meet seemed to be well-read about their respective areas, in addition a wide knowledge about the things that are happening around us. Why does it seem like I have nothing to contribute at all?
I have to put in doubly the effort and I might just be moving one step forward, yet two steps behind them still. Not to mention, my procrastination and the time I have , or rather a lack of that, discourage me as I continue to add a day to me being alive.
My goal has been moving further and further away. I don't see it anymore.
Yet when ever I see people like them or that are working in the same environment, i kick myself in the face because of my incompetence and wallow in jealousy.
Why do some get to do what they want and is loving it while some can only dream of it at night.
Tired from all the audit work. The Lion audit is driving me crazy for the last few weeks and more so these few days; have to curb with my impatience of getting it over and done with, and answer to all the queries.
Its month end again. Darn. More work, month end funds, reconciliations procedures etc.
I visualize the slightest sign of winkles appearing, feeling the tension in my body every time when Im on my feet going to collect reports, the trembling headaches and shortness of breathe.
I need out.
A friend is currently in NY, i wonder if she has found what I have wanted. I want retail therapy badly but I need to save! ArgH!
I have so much frustrations inside me that I dont even know how much I can take anymore. When will the 'rubber band' snap?
Out.
Monday, December 29, 2008
/ 10:39 PM
Financial reporting is starting once again. Today Jason just informed us that we have to come back during the next two weekends for work. Great start to the new year huh.
I realized that every time when I'm really bored and down, i tend to like looking for new blog templates to update my blog. I love my current one but its too dark, despite the beautiful green and blue. It suits my mood but i don't feel the hopefulness that I once gathered from the starry sky.
I wonder why am i writing all these trivia stuff when there are so many going ons in my mind. Its pushing for an outlet but there aren't any motivation to start of with. Whats the point of saying it out to a world of my own, where the walls dont do justice to the echos. Where what is being said isnt being said.
What do you gather from here?
Nothing.
I realized that every time when I'm really bored and down, i tend to like looking for new blog templates to update my blog. I love my current one but its too dark, despite the beautiful green and blue. It suits my mood but i don't feel the hopefulness that I once gathered from the starry sky.
I wonder why am i writing all these trivia stuff when there are so many going ons in my mind. Its pushing for an outlet but there aren't any motivation to start of with. Whats the point of saying it out to a world of my own, where the walls dont do justice to the echos. Where what is being said isnt being said.
What do you gather from here?
Nothing.
We know life's hard, truth is hard, lies are hard, they are all hard to accept when they have been
found out, and i'm rushing history homework on the Abyissian Crisis about Italy and Abyssia going into war and that the League Of Nations cannot stop this from happening, and beacuse they are formed by means to stop war and
peace-keep the countries together, they have thus failed to achieve that. I think i tend to hold a class for history instead of telling you about me, i'm basically a what subject-realted lover (humanities) and thus
I am more analytical and critical about things, and likes to study about dead people, haha. lol. it's history what can you expect and also geography, it amazes me. I really like it alot, so what have you? Again to find this answer
you need to enter into your own reality and reflect
it's amazing. amzing how people change the way of things, like how I used to hate outdoors in Band
felt it was a complete waste of time, i've acquired to like it more, i guess people change, their thereotical means and applications in life just goes on into a new direction, and see things in another perspective, i guess- it's
all in the mind. It really amazes me how these comes into action, from someone so pessimistic has changed his own view of things, and thus my friend is scoring much better, being more optimisitc and not think of his old way of suicidal
thoughts, which are pretty daunting. and thus we need to see things, in another light, another perspective and another new way, to enable us to open up our minds, and make more new things, the new way it is. 
